How to solve conflicts in relationships 

They can be helpful in many ways and they can be used as a tool to develop and strengthen the relationship. But in order to be able to utilize them, it's necessary to know "how to argue" in a healthy and productive way, so that the argument's won't become destructive. 

It's very common for people to start arguing about some problem and whilst arguing about one problem they create another one by misunderstanding each other and or mistreating each other.
This causes a situation in which one problem leads to another, causing the conflict to escalate. 

For example: Two people start arguing because of a problem. But each of them have a completly different way of handling conflicts. One needs to resolve it immidietly whilst the other tends to cope with the tention of a conflict by needing a bit of time amd space to think and reflect.
This combination, when not addresed previously, is a recipe for disaster. Because when in the heat of the moment one starts leaving, the other usualy gets triggered even more, due to their need to resolve it immidietly, and it also often gives them the impression, that the other is leaving because they don't care.
This just causes the situation to escalate and now suddenly, theres not just one problem that needs to be solved, but the miscomunication causes another conflict that now needs to be addressed.
 
There are loads of very common examples just like this, therefore it's important to create an enviroment in which we "know how to argue" and can do so in a productive way. 

We can improve our ability to argue in a healthy and productive way by:
1. Creating a strategy 
The best way to solve an argument is to prepare for it before it even occurs.
We all have different ways of handling tention, we all have different triggers, ways of calming down etc. Therefore having an honest and open conversation about what we actually need, how we act, what triggers us in arguments etc. can help us to better understand each other, which eliminates the probability of a misunderstanding causing an argument to escalate.
To give an example I can use the previously mentioned situation.
Just a simple thing as two different personality types can cause a conflict to escalate simply because one wants to solve the problem immidiatly, whilst the other needs some space. Without communicating this prior to the conflict, such a "silly" difference can cause the conflict to escalate really fast.
Whereas if there would be an open and honest conversation prior to the argument, then they'd be able to come up with a solution that would be ideal for both parties involved. 
So in this case, if one needs some time whilst the other wants to resolve it immidiatly, they can come up with a timeframe, that would be acceptable for both.
Meaning that if one would happily leave it for some other day, but the other hates unresolved issues and doesn't want to wait for so long, they can agree on a few hours, which gives the one who needs some space a bit of time to self regulate and think about everything, and whilst that is happening the other one who has the need to solve things immidiatly won't be reved up by the person "leaving", because they'll understand that it's not because they wouldn't care, or wouldn't want to resolve it, it's just because they need some time to think and are gonna adress it soon.

This sort of an understanding of each other makes room for problem solving without escalating the conflict. 
 
2. Setting a healthy mindset
Whenever an argument begins, people naturally feel the need to defend themselves by attacking the other.

This becomes problematic in a relationship, because it creates the mindset of "me vs you" which is destructive for the relationship, since we both are apart of it. 
Therefore it's in our own best interest to work in a way to preserve it. We can do so by shifting our mindset. Instead of falling naturaly into the headspace of "me vs you" it's important to keep the mindset of "me and you vs the problem" which helps to understand the other person's point of view better and therefore come up with a productive solution.

 
3. Practicing honesty and vulnerability 
Honesty is key because the lack of it once again creates room for misunderstanding. Being honest and vulnerable teaches the other person how to treat us and visa versa, which is key to resolving issues and it ties in with all the previously mentioned points. 

With all of that being mentioned, it's important to keep in mind, that this has to be joined effort. Theres no way this will work with only one trying and in unhealthy relationships all the previously mentioned points can work in a self destructive way, since they can be used against you.
But in those cases it's important to question why are we a part of such a relationship in the first place.