Coping strategies
The vast majority of dysfunctional patterns of behaviour are simply just coping mechanisms. They are a result of our body having to cope with an unhealthy enviroment and or unmet/neglected needs.
This is typically a result of a damaged relationship with one self.
When individuals have an unhealthy / damaged relationship with themselves, they don´ t understand their needs and therefore cannot fulfill them. Long term unfulfilled needs lead to internal discomfort, causing the need for coping mechanisms, which help to ease the discomfort.
Therefore, to eliminate dysfunctional patterns of behaviour, it is important to understand the root cause of what is causing the coping mechanisms in the first place. Once we understand that, we then can focus on fulfilling the unfulfilled needs, which naturaly eliminates the discomfort and therefore the need for the coping mechanism.
The coping mechanisms typically simulate feelings of love, care, safety, comfort, joy etc. Therefore understanding what unmet needs are causing the lack there of, is the key to eliminate the unhealty patterns of behaviour (coping mechanisms)
For example:
Addictions = Addictions are a result of internal discomfort, lack of love, care, self worth, joy etc. No matter if we´ re addicted to producsts or patterns of behaviour, they serve as external source of joy, comfort, safety, love. care etc.
Toxic relationships = Toxic relationships are a result of lack of self love, self respect and self confidence. We create toxic relationships because they mirror the lack there of, and serve as the only form of love known to us. .
Dangerous/adrenaline seeking behaviour = Adrenaline seeking behavour helps us to cope with pain that isn´ t being adressed. Just like when we´ re in physical pain, our body starts producing adrenaline to cope with the pain, we often tend to seek out adrenaline stimulating behaviour as a coping mechanism to help us deal with mental / emotional pain as well.
In some cases it serves as a way to gain attention, validation and approval which compensates for the lack of self love, self respect and self worth.
Eating disorders = More about root causes of ED in my article about ED.
People pleasing = People pleasing is a result of lack of self love, self respect and self confidence. We tend to compensate for the lack there of by seeking external attention, validation, acceptence and in some cases love and adoration, which we try to get by using people pleasing as a tool.
Perfestionism / extreme selfcriticism = Result of low self esteem. People who are extreme perfectionsits are so, usually because they lack self confidence and feeling of self worth, therefore they compensate with external attention, validatin and acceptence and they try to gain it through perfectionism. It´ s also a self preservation method. They try to be the biggest critics of whatever they do to prevent others critisizing them or their work since it would prove to them that they´ re not good enough, which is how they already feel.
Narcissistic tendencies = When it comes to narcissistic tendencies it has the same root cause as people pleasing does. The problem is internal feelings of lack, that are then being compensated for, by seeking external attention, validation, acceptance and sometimes love and adoration. In this case there is just a different method to gain those. People pleaser thinks about what they can "give to get", where as a person with narcissistic tendencies just focuses on how to get what they want, without giving.
Depression = A result of long term unfulfilled / neglected needs.
Internal instability (bipolar) = A result of external instability and heightened sensitivity.
I can go on and on. But the main point is, that coping mechanisms are not permanent, and they can be eliminated. To do so, it´ s necessary to understand what is the coping mechanism helping us to cope with / what need isn´ t being met. Once we understand that, we can work on fulfilling the unfulfilled needs, which naturally eliminates the need for the coping mechanisms.